Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize