if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
