Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
