someone owes me an orgasm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
