Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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