I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
