Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
