nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
