when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
