if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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