were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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