I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
