"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
