Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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