I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
