The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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