It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
