New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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