I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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