Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
