she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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