I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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