My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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