the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
