so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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