I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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