Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
