her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
