the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
