i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
