Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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