I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
