what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
