everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This baby is an asshole
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
