I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
