the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
