Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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