somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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