you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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