i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize