things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
