Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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