I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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