hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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