sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
