smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
