Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
