Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
