Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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