The maid of honor just puked.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
