Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
