my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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