wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Vodka?
Forever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
