goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think people are normalizing furries
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
