he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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