YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
