I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
