Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
