Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize