he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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