i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
