i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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