I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
