don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize