I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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